Cockpit crews spend so much time just looking into a dark sky that telling jokes and anecdotes is a proven method to stay awake.
- AA (American Airlines) – Always Awful
- AI (Air India) – Allah Informed
- ALITALIA – Always Late In Takeoff Always Late In Arrival ,Air Line In Tokyo And Luggage In Amsterdam
- BOAC (British Overseas Airways Corp.) – Better On A Camel ,Bloody Old and Careless
- CA (China Airlines) – Choose Another
- CAAC (Civil Aviation Authority of China ?) – Chinese Airline Always Canceled , China Airlines Almost (Always) Crashes
- CPA (Canadian Airl.Intl.) – Can’t Promise Anything (New code CAI) – Crash And Ignite, Call Ambulance Immediately, Circle Airport Indefinitely, Cruise Above Iceland, Cancel
- Alaskan Itinerary, Call Attendants “Idiots”, Check All Items, Copilots Are Imbeciles, Casual Atmosphere Inside
- DELTA – Don’t Even Leave The Airport, Don’t Ever Leave The Airport, Don’t Even Let Them Aboard (referring to the arabs?), Departing Even Later Than Anticipated
- EAL (Eastern) – Eastern’s Always Late
- ELAL – Every Landing Always Late
- JAT (Yugoslav Airlines)- Joke About Time
- KLM = Koop Lockheed Majesteit (Buy Lockheed, Your majesty, after the Lockheed bribe scandal which involved HRH Prince Bernhard of the Netherlands)
- LOT (Polish Airlines) – Last One There, Luggage On Tarmack (wave ‘bye!)
- LUFTHANSA – Let Us Fuck The Horses, Are No Stewardesses Available
- PA (Philippine Airways)- Please Avoid
- PAL (Phil. Airlines) – Philippines Always Late
- PAN AM – Plan On Arriving Nervewracked And Mad
- PIA (Pakistan Intl.Airl) – Please Inform Allah, Panic In Air ,Perhaps I Arrive
- QANTAS – Queer And Nasty Types As Stewards
- SABENA (Belgium) – Such A Bloody Experience, Never Again, Such A Bad Experience, Never Again
- SAHSA (Servicio Aero Honduras SA) – Stay At Home, Stay Alive
- SAS (Scandinavian Airl. System) – Sweet And Sexy, Sex And Service
- SIA (Singapore Intl.Airl.) – So Incredible, Aah
- TACA – Take A Chance Airline
- TAP (Portuguese Airl.) – Take Another Plane
- TRANSAVIA – To Rape A New Stewardess After V1 Is Allowed.
- TWA (Transworld Airl.) – Travel Without Arrival, Try Walking, Asshole , Try Walking Again, The Worst Airline, Took Wrong Airline, Try Walking Across (transatlantic perspective),
- Travel With Arabs, Terrorist Welcome Aboard, Terrorists With Arms, Teenie Weenie Airlines, Traveling Without Air, Tiny Wings Aflappin , Time Waste Airlines
- Usair – Unfortunately, Still Alleghany In Reality
On a small commuter flight one sunny day, the captain was told that his passengers were nervous about being on a “small airplane.” He decided to take action: “Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain. I have been informed that some of you are nervous about being on a ‘little’ plane. Well, let me assure you, there is nothing to worry about, just sit back and take it easy. It might be helpful to do some sight seeing to put your mind at ease. Now, if you’ll all lean and look out over the right wing of the airplane….it’ll tip over! Hahahahaha!! Just a little pilot humor…”
Have you ever been on a plane and seen some uniformed pilots sitting in the passenger cabin? This is not at all uncommon, since most airlines at one time or another need pilots to cover a flight at an airport other than the one at which they’re based. When pilots ride this way as passengers, this is known in the industry as “deadheading.” In some cases, due to weather, mechanical problems, or crew flight-time legalities crews are called out at the very last moment to catch a deadheading flight. And so begins our story…
While taxiing out for takeoff, the Boeing 727 suddenly came to a stop. With the aircraft still on the taxiway, the flight attendant in the back began to lower the aft stairway. Behind the plane, a van with flashing lights came to a screeching halt and out jumped three deadheading pilots. They grabbed their bags and ran to the plane.
As they ran up the stairs, the pilot in front continued running up the aisle shouting, “I can’t believe the stewardess got the plane this far. I didn’t know she even knew how to start the engines!”
For a number of passengers it took quite some time before they realized they had been had by these jokers, you couldn’t believe the startled looks on their faces!
Gear pins installed
While taxiing out in sequence behind a Lufthansa airliner at Frankfurt, a C-130 crew noticed an orange “Remove before flight” streamer hanging out of the Lufthansa nose wheel well (their nose gear locking pin was still installed). Not wanting to cause too much embarrassment by going thru the controller, the 130 crew simply called the Lufthansa aircraft on the tower frequency: “Lufthansa aircraft, Herky 23.” No reply.
They repeated the transmission and again there was no reply. Instead, the Lufthansa pilot called the tower and asked the tower to tell the Herky crew that “the professional pilots of Lufthansa do not engage in unprofessional conversations over the radio.”
The 130 pilot quickly replied, “Frankfurt tower, can you please relay to the professional pilots of the Lufthansa aircraft that their nose gear pin is still installed?”